WRITER - Vancouver Lifestyles -
Gateways
“Spring has sprung, the grass is riz,
I wonder where da boidies is.
Da boid is on da wing.
Dat’s abzoid; da wing is on da boid!”
The Steelers won their fifth – Super Bowl, that is. The Bus retired.
And Tiger, after not touching a club in 6 weeks, won his first two tournaments of the new season, one in San Diego - the Buick Open – and the other only 10 or 12 time zones away in Dubai. This is on a coarse where a sand trap means half a sovereign nation. Now, this makes 10 different countries in which The Greatest Golfer of All Time has won, and the second week in a row that he has come from a stroke or two behind to birdie the 18th, force a play-off and watch the Other Guy wilt.
In our lifetime, it has been an extraordinary pleasure to watch Wayne Gretsky, Michael Jordon, Tiger and Roger Federer. Not to even mention Marilyn, Marlon, Astaire, Perlman and Pavorotti.
Back here on Earth, in our Cozy Village by the Sea, the leaders, while more prosaic, are not without their own tilts at immortality.
The Premier, Gordon Campbell, has fashioned two initiatives that couldn’t possibly draw more contradictory responses. The first is a $60 Million plan to get all the knees and hips in the province repaired in spanking fast order. Fashioned after the Ralph Klein experiment in a certain neighbouring province, and tried out first at Richmond General Hospital and UBC’s Urgent Care, this program can only be met with thankful hosannas…albeit, not necessarily on bended knee. What’s next? MRI’s and CT scans at Safeway?
The second is the Umpteen Billion Dollar Let’s Pave Paradise Thing. It’s called The Gateway Project. Not to be confused with The Pacific Gateway, which is a whole other thing and is all about trade with the 1.5 billion person market known as the People’s Republic of China. No, this is the one that has caused all the bum reaction. Twinning the Port Mann Bridge, ribboning the mighty Fraser River with new highways above and below. Jeez, who does this guy think he is? Or, so say the urban planners, the greenbelters, and many a legitimately concerned taxpayer. “Urban Sprawl” is the battle cry; more transit is the proffered alternative. Many people know they don’t like it, but few know what else we can do to alleviate the traffic congestion.
Now I drive a tiny 13-year old Mazda and I don’t drive it very far. Less than 120,000 kilometres and it still looks like new. So what do I care about cars and tie-ups in the tunnel? “Traffic on the Fours” sounds to me like something for barnyard animals.
You can see how it’s easy for me to agree with Minister of Transportation, Kevin Falcon. Build the damn thing! Pave the road! Get the line out to the airport, and one more to the University! Come on; stop putzing around already!
Like you, I’m glad we didn’t build an I-5 through the downtown core 30 years ago. But unlike some of you, I want 4 Port Manns and another Lions Gate Bridge or two. I just don’t believe those dinky little Skytrain cars are going to do the trick over the next few years. Not when people don’t even have to buy tickets! Honor system, my ass.
Finally, we have the Great Election Fiasco. The vote that proved beyond a shadow of a doubt and for all time that The End Justifies the Means. The Prime Minister, who ran on a platform of renewed democracy and an elected senate and a fresh new way of doing business, blew the whole shebang on Day One.
For his Minister of Public Works, the file that contains that little amusing tale known as The Sponsorship Scandal, Mr. Harper appointed an unelected Montrealer. What country is he in? Jack Kennedy could make his kid brother, Bobby, Attorney General of the United States of America because that’s how the system works down there. But most of us were suffering from the popsicle delusion that Ottawa operates on a different principle - you have to be elected to be in Cabinet. Well, aren’t we wrong again?
And David Emerson, elected as a Liberal in Vancouver-Kingsway, crossed the floor, became a born-again Conservative, and was appointed Minister of Practically Everything by the relentlessly smiling Mr. Harper. One of Mr. Emerson’s responsibilities will be…you guessed it, The Pacific Gateway. Send natural resources to China; bring back tourists. And no one questions his bona fides. He’s an imminently sensible, likable and accomplished man. He can clearly run several lemonade stands with his hands tied behind his back.
But that’s not the point, is it? Unless, of course, you subscribe to the theory that The End Justifies the Means, or All’s Fair in Love and War, or Shut Up and Watch Him Help B.C.
We began this little meditation with some of the Greats; let’s end with one. Will Shakespeare may have had our local politicians in mind when he had young Marc Antony address the afternoon rabble in the Forum. He speaks of the murdered Caesar and the wonderful men who, having killed him, now ask for the citizen’s votes.
“For Brutus is an honorable man;
So are they all, all honorable men.”
