WRITER - The Province -
December 7th, 2007
Kim Capri called the other night. Kim is a Vancouver City Councillor.
It was 8:23.
I was finishing my fruit cocktail and watching a rerun of “Law and Order” on Bravo.
Kim told me that she liked me very much and that she was terribly disappointed in me.
She was disappointed that I was resorting to “ad hominums.” Which means that I was calling her names.
On my blog, I often refer to her as “Kim Capripants.”
She told me about her disappointment a number of times.
I said that I heard what she said and that I’d think about it.
Then she told me again several times how disappointed she was in me. I lost track of the count.
“I don’t mind if you comment on my policies,” she said.
“What policies?” I asked.
I suggested that if she thought she was disappointed in me she might consider how disappointed I and the rest of Vancouver was in her. I told her that I thought she was the worst councillor on the worst City Government in living memory. I was offended that she treated her public office like it was a Frat Party and that she wasted public time with frivolous notions about dumpsters and organic eggs.
I didn’t raise my voice. In fact, I spoke very softly as if I might be asking a librarian for a copy of “Animal Farm.”
Kim shifted gears and offered that maybe it was a mistake to call me after all.
You think?
I asked her if she thought of herself as a grown-up. “You’ve entered the arena,” I added. “You get blood on your sandals.”
Later a friend of mine wondered if Capri had missed the Political Strategy seminar called, “Never throw fuel on the fire. One hundred reasons to not call a loudmouth.”
Ask me to stop being a satirist? You might as well suggest I give up popcorn or asparagus.
I’m the guy who dubbed George Puil “King George,” a name that stuck to him like something agricultural.
And George Puil was a great city councillor. He was arrogant and autocratic and a natural target for a mischievous soul like me who has thrived all his life on pricking the balloons of pomposity. But, like Harry Rankin and Walter Hardwick, Puil knew his city and its machinery inside and out, could probably quote you obscure by-laws chapter and verse.
Can you imagine Rankin or Puil bothering to call someone like me at home in the evening to whine about name-calling? They’d have more dignity and common sense.
Capri and the current NPA and Vision and Cope are spent. The whole gang of them. They have brought so little to the ball.
We hope that someone wise will run for mayor, and that he or she will form a New Slate Party with smart, engaging candidates who understand their role and their City.
This Gong Show must go.
